Some weeks everything works on paper: tasks are up to date, the paycheck lands, the calendar is full. And still, something feels off. A vague sense of living someone else's life. Often, that feeling isn't laziness or ingratitude. It's a sign that what you do has drifted away from what you value.
Talking about purpose can sound grandiose, as if it required a life mission carved in stone. But there's a humbler, more practical way in: understanding your own values.
What values actually are
In psychology, values are broad, desirable goals that serve as guiding principles in a person's life. They aren't rules about what's right or wrong for everyone; they're what matters to you. And, unlike passing preferences, they tend to be fairly stable over time.
Israeli psychologist Shalom Schwartz spent decades studying values across cultures. Building on a theory published in the early 1990s and tested with samples from dozens of countries, he proposed ten basic human values that show up, in one form or another, in virtually every society.
Schwartz's circle
Schwartz's big insight wasn't just listing the values, but showing that they're arranged in a circle. Neighboring values are compatible; values on opposite sides tend to pull against each other.
- Self-direction: independent thought and action, creating, exploring.
- Stimulation: novelty, challenge, excitement.
- Hedonism: pleasure and personal gratification.
- Achievement: personal success through demonstrating competence.
- Power: status, prestige, control over resources or people.
- Security: stability, harmony and safety for yourself and those close to you.
- Conformity: restraint of actions that might harm others or violate social expectations.
- Tradition: respect for and commitment to cultural or religious customs.
- Benevolence: caring for the well-being of people close to you.
- Universalism: understanding, tolerance and protection of the welfare of all people and of nature.
These ten values cluster into four broad poles along two axes. One runs from Openness to Change (self-direction, stimulation) to Conservation (security, conformity, tradition). The other runs from Self-Enhancement (achievement, power) to Self-Transcendence (benevolence, universalism). Hedonism sits on the border between openness and self-enhancement. In 2012, Schwartz and colleagues proposed a refined version with nineteen values, but the logic of the circle remains.
Why the circle helps
The circle explains many everyday dilemmas. The urge to drop everything and travel (stimulation) clashes with the wish for stability (security). The ambition to grow in your career (achievement) can strain time with family (benevolence). None of these values is better than another. They simply pull in different directions, and most people value several at once.
Understanding that tension lifts a weight: inner conflict doesn't mean something is wrong with you. It means you value different things, and choosing among them, moment by moment, is part of adult life.
Values aren't goals
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), developed by Steven Hayes and colleagues, offers a useful distinction. Goals are things you can reach and cross off: a degree, a promotion, a marathon. Values are directions you keep following without ever "arriving": being curious, caring for the people you love, contributing to your community.
Therapist Russ Harris uses the image of a compass: traveling west never ends, but every step can head that way. That changes your relationship with purpose. It stops being a distant destination and becomes something you can practice today, in small gestures.
A values clarification exercise
Set aside about twenty minutes and grab pen and paper. The exercise works better with honesty than with speed.
1. Recall moments of fullness. Write down two or three situations in which you felt whole, proud or deeply at peace. What was happening? Which values were present?
2. Recall moments of discomfort. Now write down situations in which you felt outraged, frustrated or uneasy. Anger often points to a value that was violated.
3. Pick ten, then three. Looking at Schwartz's list and your notes, choose the ten values that resonate most. Then narrow it to three. That cut is hard — and that's where the information lives.
4. Turn it into behavior. For each of your three values, write one small, concrete action you can take this week. If the value is benevolence, maybe it's calling someone you've been putting off. If it's self-direction, maybe it's blocking an hour for a project that's yours alone.
5. Notice the tensions. Are any of your three values on opposite sides of the circle? How do you usually balance them? What happens when one of them gets neglected for too long?
Values in hard times
Research such as Geoffrey Cohen and David Sherman's work on self-affirmation suggests that reflecting on important values can help people face threatening situations with less defensiveness. And psychiatrist Viktor Frankl, drawing on his own experience in concentration camps, wrote about how meaning can sustain a person even in extreme circumstances.
At the same time, values don't solve everything. If the sense of emptiness comes with persistent sadness, low energy or loss of interest in things, it's worth talking with a mental health professional. If you need support, see the Need to talk? page here on Ethea.
An invitation
Ethea's Core Values test shows how the four broad poles of the circle — Openness to Change, Conservation, Self-Enhancement and Self-Transcendence — are distributed in your profile. Use the result as a starting point for the exercise above. A compass won't tell you which road to take, but it helps a great deal in noticing when you're walking in the direction that's truly yours.